Smash my head

Its like smashing your head

Into a brick wall

It doesn’t hurt as much anymore 

When you stop 

Ramming the cinder blocks

But the pain is still there

Perhaps duller 

More of a throb 

Than a hurt

So too, when I 

Look at your photos

For the moment

There’s a brief sense of relief 

Just seeing your face

Feeling the energy

That my body remembers 

From your touch 

And the warmth of your hug

But then

All too soon

I smash my head against

The wall again

Purposeful and deliberate 

Like ripping a scab off

Before the wound has properly healed 

Sometimes it’s better

To feel a little pain

Than to feel 

The nothingness

Of losing you