I am still

And I realized 

I hadn’t been gentle 

With myself through all of this 

To others I would say 

“Let the tears out! Cry! 

Scream away the pain”

But for myself I wasn’t doing these things 

I was holding it all in

And drying each tear before it fell

Pretending I was fine 

Trying to be okay 

When inside my heart had been crushed

And my mind was twisted 

And my head was going to explode

From the pressure 

Of bottling all of that desperate sadness 

But then I realized that 

For me 

It was kind of like walking 

On broken glass 

Or hot coals 

A deliberate induction 

Of the worst kind of pain 

If only to prove I could bear it

And at some point I knew 

That I had come out of this ok

Because I had come out of this 

Yes, I was hurting 

And I’ll never be the same 

As I was going in

This heart is bruised 

But the soul is strong

And I am still here 

Yes, I am still here